Wow it's like he knows you

You thought you were a hero
You played him well
He saves the day but not himself
You acted out the lover
Your finest part
Had all the lines but not the heart
Now look where we are

You're good intentions still remain in chains

broken

I think i figured out why it doesnt hurt. i feel like i shut off my heart. That's all i used to think with now i feel like all im using is my head, that's not good. i want my heart back thats what makes me me. the fact that i think with my heart and i wear it on my sleeve thats why this is so hard because your head can only take you so far and well the other half of me is shut off

Letter Unsent

SO heres the thing. I know youhave said in the past that you cannot read my mind. I know that fruserated you. So here goes nothing, i will tell you what is on my mind.
I miss you. I think about you everyday, and I do want you back. But more than that i want you to want me back. That being said if you came to me and said you want me back,... I need morethan that. I need to see it. Throughout this you have made me feel like I am not worth the effort of working on our relatioship, not worth forgiveness and just not worth your time. You need to show me I am worth the effort. I'm not asking for a grand gesture, like singing my name from the rooftops or even from set a bleachers. I think here persistance would be the key.
I know i have hurt you and it pains me evry day to know that. I am sorry and I am willing to mae it up to you but the in between stuff has to comefirst you have to want me back in your life before i can make it up to you. I love you Robert Grant.
If you have no desire to have me back in your life that is fine. Just let me know with absolute certainty that that is what you want. You asked for space, for time, i have respected those wishes and will continue to do so if that is in fact what you want. But know this if that is what you want, I will move on. And if I do you cannot be upset about that.
In the past months I have moved foreward Rob, but never moved on. You are still in my thoughts every day. My only fear is that a few years from now i will wonder, what if I just told him how i felt. So in order to prevent that I will not let my pride stand in the way of letting you know hwo I feel. If you reject me and this letter I will be sad, hurt but i will eventually move past that. I will be able to do so knowing that it is over completly and i did everything in my power to produce the outcome i desired. But i can only do so much. This is your decision Rob. I love you and I am willing to stand beside you whatever the road ahead may bring.

Words to a Tune

There is a song for every mood and a lyric for every moment but life goes on beyond words, beyond melodies. At some point you have to let go of those life rafts and dance to your own tune.
It is a well known fact, that music can lead you out of heartbreak and rejoice with you in happiness, but at some point you have to know you can do that for yourself. At some point you have to move away, hold onto those songs, those lyrics but you cannot be afraid of silence. Only in silence can we recognize our victories and failures. If you can live through the hurt, to the point where silence is not the death of you than you have truly won.

Life and Death

Sex and the City. A group of women struggling through life and love to find the meaning of both. Perhaps thats whats wrong with us girls, we think the two are related. If to live is to love than what is being single? death? To be single does not mean an end to life, in fact some would argue the opposite. If you are a Samantha, to be single is what life is. To be together is death, Now I am not a Samantha, but i most certainly do not think singledom is death. Dane Cook is gone, and not just not with gone, his mind is somewhere else.
Me being single is surprisingly surprising. But not all unpleasent. I don't find myself thinking about someone else at all times of the day, i can truly be selfish without feeling guilty. I can see myself more clearly. I can see him more clearly.
Why would I ever hide behind a surname or hide him or anyone else behind a surname. Rob was everything to me and in some ways he still is. Although not in the traditional sense. Now he is the source of great pain, and happy memories. I miss him and it still hurts, a month later it still hurts. Why do us women hold onto these things so. it is quite obvious that its not going to work out and you dont really want it to. you want to feel somefreedom, to be able to pick up and go. You want to dance with a stranger, meet new and attractive people for coffee and perhaps get a number from a cute guy on a five dollar bill. Perhaps I'm not holding onto him, perhaps it was the idea of him. To have someone there that you loved so compeltely and who loved you or supposedly loved you. No it isnt the idea that holds me, its the man. The man he was not the man he is in this moment but the man i know he will be again. Until then or forever more i will cherish my freedom, relish going out , not having to worry about any consequences.
Life is now single, single is not death.
Wish me luck :)

Forever In A Landfill

start the noise
put back the music
its not about artistic vision

I have seen
what you are missing
and its hidden beneath your covers

No room can't sing
Cant seem fight this echoing
No one around
Can't seem to find my way to the ground
I'm not hear to save you
Not when i cant save myself
please hear me out now
dont just shut me out
im here for you
but you keep me forever in a landfill

heres the bitch
no need for mother
its not about warm fuzzy roses

I don't know
what i could do
to make you see what you are missing

No room can't sing
Cant seem fight this echoing
No one around
Can't seem to find my way to the ground
I'm not hear to save you
when i cannot save myself
please hear me out now
dont just shut me out
ill be here for you
but you keep me
forever in a landfill

I'm not ready
to call it quits now
But i'm not willing to take this beating


Please hear me out now
Don't just shut me out
Ill be here for you
if only you would have me

I Miss You

I miss you. but i don't know if i should call you. everytime i see you it's because i called you. would it kill you? i dont know what to do. Send a message or text seems lame. maybe i really should just call you. im sick of hearing what i should do because i already know what that is. I should just cut you out and let that be that but i dont want to and i've always been kind of stubborn. i want things to go back to how they were but i feel like thats not what you want. you want to forget your past and all those in it and just move on into this new life with new people. So i don't know what to do so instead ill write a blog about it; basically talking to myself because you know that will achieve so much. i miss my friend but i feel like you just don't care. you dont want to see me. if you did you'd call. well this accomplished nothing